That moment when…
When you want to take your freshly sharpened knife and just don’t hold back.
Today,
is the realization that I am running out of time. All the things I wish to do before leaving my friends, family,and my girl. Time is just running by and not looking back. I graduate in a week. Scary. How time flies. Right after my graduation party, I am going to Sonoma State for orientation. Even more scary. I guess the reason im so afraid is because of my eye sight. I don’t want to not be able to do it or have to rely on someone to help me when its dark. It makes me feel pathetic, but comforting that someone would go out of their way to help me. Its a bitter sweet feeling. I don’t want to be a failure. That’s something that I can’t let happen. Im not ready to leave my girlfriend. she’s my best friend. yeah we fight, but who doesn’t? We cool down and talk about it and all is fine. I want to think that she’s the one. We turned a friendship love into something more. I want her to be happy and nothing less. I think my motto for college is going to be “make a better future, for both of us.” Im just overly concerned. Am I over thinking everything? should I worry? I don’t know. I just know that I want to feel wanted by her even when im not right next to her. As for my friends, I wish to be visited periodically. Don’t be shy. Just call. I don’t want to lost contact with those that I love. Those who have stood by my side and helped me be a better me. Im just gonna miss the comforting and security of loved ones and home…
Back to shit.
“No, you don’t need that.” “how do you expect to pay for that?” “think about college, then you can.” “you don’t have money to do that.” you don’t have the money to get that.” “maybe after college when you get money.” Fuck! that’s all i hear! Yeah, no shit im fucking dirt poor! I’ve been a good kid all my life, im a fucking eagle scout, graduating high school and going to Sonoma State, I’ve done everything to make you happy and satisfied. All I want is that car. Its a dream of mine to have an old Mustang and its right fucking there! I guess i haven’t worked hard enough to have a dream come true… maybe after college… maybe.
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